The Six Human Emotional Needs

I read this somewhere, I agree with it, so I make a reminder to myself here to always keep a balance among all these six important needs.

Human Need 1: Certainty

The first human need is the need for CERTAINTY. We all need to feel a sense of security that things will be okay. Certainty gives us peace of mind and assurance.

Human Need 2: Uncertainty

As human beings, we have a second emotional need that is in direct conflict with our first need. We all have a need for UNCERTAINTY! Life is boring without uncertainty. This is probably why I quit my job.

This is also why a woman/man in a perfect marriage where everything is routine and predictable will eventually get so bored, that they will unconsciously start picking a fight, having an affair or leave the marriage. There is no more excitement and stimulation that we all need emotionally.

Human Need 3: Significance

The third human emotional need is the need to feel significant/ special/ unique/ important/ needed. We all hunger for this need and again pursue it in different ways.

Some people feel significant by attaining qualifications (e.g. MBAs, PhDs etc..), achieving success, buying lots of toys (e.g. bigger house, bigger car, country club, Rolex watch etc…) or pursuing status symbols.

Others get significance by putting other people down, dressing in a unique way or tattooing every conceivable part of their body. Again, others feel significance by having children (and making sure they excel and do them proud) or flaunting their wealth. Some people get significance by being proud of certain identities they adopt like being a Christian, a Muslim, an Army Officer, a Vegetarian etc…

Human Need 4: Love and Connection

The 4th human need is in direct conflict with the 3rd human need of SIGNIFICANCE. Think about this. If you felt TOTALLY significant where you were so unique, so special and so different from all the people around you. Would you be happy? No! You would feel disconnected from the people around you.

One of our strongest needs as humans in the need to be accepted, to be loved and connected to the people around us. Once we become so special and unique, we will start to find ourselves losing that connection to our peers. It happens to me often, due to the many different thoughts in my mind that I find it hard to convey and be understood by others, I often feel disconnected and would rather keep things to myself sometimes.

A man (or woman) often wants to leave the marriage either because he/she no longer feels significant, loved, certainty or uncertainty by his/her partner. What is a very very common scenario is that after a couple has a child, the man no longer feels the same level of significance anymore. It seems that his wife spends all the time with the kids, that he is no longer important. So what happens? He rather spend his time in the office where he feels more significant or find a girlfriend who makes him feel special again!

Human Need 5: Growth

However, to be truly fulfilled and happy, we need to meet the last two needs of ‘growth’ and ‘contribution’. We need to constantly grow by learning more and challenging ourselves to become better. The moment we stop growing, we start dying emotionally.

I read somewhere before that the job learning curve will grow and become flat every 2-3 years, that is the time to make change and learn new things, so it is good to cross train in different area from time to time, to avoid the lost of momentum. For my case, I guess I have been handling similar scope for too long that I bored myself. Now that I am free, I find myself very eager in learning new things everyday.

Human Need 6: Contribution

Finally, we all need to contribute beyond ourselves, This is why people like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett make all the money in the world only to give most of it away to charity. contribution is what gives us ultimate purpose and fulfillment in life. Giving unconditionally is indeed a source of happiness to me.